Don't try to deny it - everyone loves a project at least once.

I'm not sure how to break this to you.

The North and South of the U.S. are in an unhealthy relationship.

They married young; the North pranced around with her curvy Appalachians and the South always had a five o'clock shadow and spoke with a drawl. They were hot for each other - and rightly so. They were defying their parents and kicking ass.

And then the North started doing some thinking; maybe she went to college and decided that African-American people were O.K. And the South didn't like that, he said "WOMAN, you'll listen to me or I'm leaving you for good!" And the North knew she probably deserved better than this pride-driven redneck, but (like most women), she always seemed to be attracted to project men. And she knew that, if she could get the South to stay, maybe she could change him, maybe she could turn him around and get him to admit that men could be barefoot in the kitchen while women became CEOs. And that gay people were just as normal as straight people.

Then Lincoln got involved and did some heavy-duty couple's counseling.

And many years later, the North was still embarrassed of the South at European dinner parties because his rude manners always overshadowed hers and he did stupid things like elect stupid people or build walls to separate himself from Mexico. Instead of being the North and the South, they received invitations addressed as a couple, to the U.S. And no one, not even Europe, remembered that the U.S. had differences anymore.

Sometimes the South would still charm her, like with Reese Witherspoon or fun songs to sing to when you're drinking. And the North felt hopeful that things could work out, that despite all their differences, they were good together.

And then you read shit like this and you want to sign the North up for a support group and get her the hell out of the relationship. STAT.

1 comment:

pueblo said...

speaking of "Jesusland".....

BEN FOLDS IS COMING TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!