Dog Days: Cyril and Marvin

So I had this dream. I had this dream that volunteering walking dogs with NY Cares last night would be a connecting experience. I would walk dogs! Stray ones! Who lived in a shelter! And who needed love!

Turns out, connections were not in the stars last night for me and the stray dogs of Brooklyn.

Since it was my first time, the Leader Guy went through the rules and regs with me and another first-timer. Every time the door to the shelter opened, Shelter Guy who worked there would arrive with a new dog on a leash, ready to be walked. It was a little like watching people win the lottery.

"HERE'S PANDA!" he would shout, and Panda would wag his tail and head off down the block with one of the other experienced walkers.

When it came to my turn, Shelter Guy and Leader Guy decided that me and the other new girl should take a pair of dogs on a walk. This was not exactly my plan for dog connecting. And what happened next was even less my plan for dog connecting. Shelter Guy brought out two small dogs and handed me this one:

Please keep in mind that this dog looks very cute in the photo. But in real life, he did not give a shit about me. In real life, this old dog walked 2 inches per hour and peed on every blade of grass growing in the sidewalk and didn't look up to see who was walking him once.

To be fair, I did forget his name. Shelter Guy handed me the leash and said: "Here's Surgeon!" or "Here's Sturgeon!" or something equally ridiculous. I remember thinking "what the F?" but then Leader Guy was shoving plastic bags at me and Other New Girl was waiting for us to start moving, so we set off. Me and nameless dog. To make myself feel better, I nicknamed him Cyril and spoke to him in French. I will tell you that he was equally unimpressed by this linguistic choice.

The second half of the volunteer experience was a bit more exciting. Other New Girl and I brought our kitten-sized dogs back and Shelter Guy disappeared into the shelter to retrieve our new charges. Again, we were paired up. (Is it completely anti-social to want to walk a dog alone??) This time, Shelter Guy looked at Leader Guy and said "Hm... can they handle Marvin?"

Guys, let me tell you that Marvin was a freaking Pitt Bull and I got him because I was wearing sneakers. That freaking dog walked me for about 30 minutes and only slowed down towards the end of the walk, probably due to the fact that he was suffering of LACK OF OXYGEN since I was constantly pulling on his leash and telling him to stop being an idiot. Do you think I spoke any French to Marvin? No, to Marvin, I spoke KNOCK IT OFF.

"No Marvin, we don't live there. Don't GO IN THAT DOORWAY."
"Marvin, stop eating the effing trash."

He was, despite his energy, a sweet dog and I felt bad for him when people avoided us on the sidewalk just because he looked a little intimidating. I stopped us outside a bakery to take his picture, but he was too excited to sit still. Here's the best shot I got of buddy Marvin:

No soul mate dogs last night, and probably for the best. I did get a great workout (and some nice Leash Burn on my hand from the lovely Marvin) and it was good for the dogs. Maybe Golden Retriever puppies next month?

P.S. At work, we read that New York lost 1/5 of its wealth on Tuesday because of this Wall Street disaster.
P.P.S. Obama '08.

1 comment:

steve said...

one of the funniest things i've read in quite a while.

reminds me of the old days of dogsitting the freaking wagner's dog who bit through every bottle of liquid soap in the laundry room and then ran away down the street to hump some other dog...