Brooklyn Newsletter: Month Ten

Dear Brooklyn,

When I look back at this month, I want to remember one thing: this was the month of finally getting my shit together. A friend from work sent a few of us a video about doing what you're really passionate about, and as I watched it, I could feel myself getting really anxious. I was completely in agreement with the guy's energy and motivation, but I wasn't quite sure in which direction I should focus it. And then, as if by merely asking myself the question "What do you really want to do?" the answer came tumbling out, clear as day.

I want to write a book.

This is clearly the lamest thing to type of all time. Everybody and their mother want to write a book. Jessica Simpson wrote a book. It doesn't seem to require genius these days to get something published if you're a celebrity. I imagine the story is a bit different for those of us Joe Six-Packs. Writing a book and publishing a book are two different beasts, however, and while I'd like very much to publish a book, I think I should start with the writing of one. You know, the whole cart before the horse syndrome.

So I move to Greenpoint on November 1 and ever since I saw that video, I realized that this move is an opportunity for great change. It's an opportunity to shift gears, to refocus energies, to finally *do* what I've been talking about for years. And guys, I'm pretty freaking scared. I'm scared that I will wake up early the first day and sit in front of the blank computer screen in my bathrobe and nothing will come out. I'm scared that it will all sound like crap. I'm scared that I will lose motivation and start sleeping in and I'm terrified of NOT doing what I really want to do. Because I'm not sure what to do with broken dreams- that's not really my territory.

The past few weeks have been filled with two main themes: winding down my social life and getting it out of my system. I was in a wedding! I reunited with Muhlenberg '03 people at our 5-year reunion! I went to the NYer festival! I ran in my first 5k! I walked stray dogs again! But simultaneously, I've stopped agreeing to social plans past November 1. My calendar (except for that little trip to MOROCCO with la hermana) is wide open for the winter so far, a fact that is both comforting and terrifying all at once.

It's hard to stop being the social one, particularly when it defines who I am to so many of the people I know. But I'm pretty exhausted from 'putting myself out there,' and there's another part of myself that needs evolution- one that needs a bit of quiet to be coaxed out. Will winter hibernation be a massive failure and produce a soppy mess of a Jen? Or will it be just what the doctor ordered?

I guess we're going to freakin' find out. Life is like that.

xo Jen

1 comment:

Erica said...

for what it's worth, i think it'll be great for you to have some "down time" ... learn to accept and love quiet, which will make it easier to return to being social.

good luck!