I foresee much cheap pasta in my future.

"How big is your office at home?"
"Oh, I'm terrible at this kind of thing. Do you mean in feet?"
"Hm... maybe 20 by 40?"
"800 square feet? How big is your apartment."
"Oh, no. That sounds way too huge. The thing is, I really don't know... maybe from that poster to the desk over there?"
"Let me put it to you this way. If your apartment is 100, what is your office?"
"... 100 what?"
"Just 100."
"Square feet?"
"No, just, if your apartment is 100, what is your office?"
Mind races to figure out what the eff is going on.
"Um... maybe 30?"
"Fine, let's move on then."


"What's your occupation?"
"Well, I'm a Communications Specialist, but you can put anything for Marketing or Communications."
She scans her list of codes. Types multiple codes; none work. Seems to be a bug in the software.
"I'm just going to put 9999999. That covers unknown occupations."
"Right, that sounds about right."


These were the better parts of the conversation I had with my H&R tax representative this morning, who not only found that I owe almost $1000 MORE than I thought I did, but also charged me $400 to redo my taxes. In one hour, all vacation plans within the next 4 months went up in flames. It's amazing how quickly one shuts down the gates of spending. I found myself making up new life rules as the totals kept creeping higher.

"Bring food from home for lunch EVERY DAY for the next 6 months."
"Stop buying any chai tea lattes from Starbucks."
"Get Oscar cheaper cat food."
"Stop drinking organic milk."

Don't get me wrong; I like paying taxes. I like having nice roads and libraries and all that jazz. If I was anti-tax, I sure as hell wouldn't live in New York. But when your job doesn't take out NYC taxes all year and then you have to pay them all back at once? Well, I feel a little like NYC taxes just took me out back and gave me a Thursday morning beat-down.


ev said...

err, also, h&r block is kind of evil.

Maddy said...

Sorry Jen, feel really bad for you about the tax stuff hun but this post just made me laugh out loud in a silent internet cafe - one of those snort-type outbursts where everyone turns around curious at the fun they're missing out on - very funny account chica. Hahaha.

Miss you - gutted that it means no springtime London meet-up for us, and SO SO jealous that Kate might be going, AGAIN, to NY with work, grr! I wanna see you! And the tips from the waitressing I'm doing at the moment aren't gonna stretch to a plane ticket just quite yet, I have to say.

But the dream job WILL appear from the woodwork sometime soon, I'm sure of it - and then I'd just LOVE to come visit you and see the fresh-faced US of A with my own eyes..

Meanwhile get on Skype lady!