Once again, the complex issue of being stuck.

This morning on my walk to the subway I started imagining all the things I wanted to talk about with Erica and Maddy and Katie and others in Paris. For about two blocks I was grinning, piling up the topics for discussion and catch-up and then suddenly I was blindsided by this incredible gaping hole of missing them.

It is much easier to pretend you do not miss something if you do not think about it.

This bombshell to the heart made me realize how I don't have anything like those friendships here. I have others. But I do not have the kind of depth and bonding that comes over living in a strange place with foreign people. It makes me sad to know that this entire area of myself remains tucked deep away, hidden from everyone I see here in New York on a daily basis. I can't tell if that presents a deep barrier that prevents them from really knowing me or what.

Anyways, tough stuff over here as I prepare to make the jump once again (how many times have I been? Sometime soon I will have to count that...). It's interesting to me that the original aim of this blog was to keep in touch while living abroad and dealing with the issues that arise from navigating the in-between spaces. Obviously that's still hanging around a few years in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Move to French Canada? You get the Frenchness and the Americaness all in one...suits all split culture personalities I believe!