Keeping it real.

January is a difficult month for me. I have a tendency to get sentimental and in-my-head about Important Moments and the whole Christmas-New Year's-Anniversary-Birthday swing results in many days in a row of feeling like something is the Last. Or the First. I know this must be shocking for all of you.

Case in point. Tonight I was walking through Grand Central when I realized that tomorrow is my last day of being 28 years old. "Maybe I should do 28 things to commemorate this day," I thought. "That's symbolic!" But of what? And how the hell would I have time to do 28 ANYTHINGS tomorrow?

Another example: I spent much of Christmas preparing Chris for The First Christmas with My Family. I told him all about the fun traditions we've done over the years and then was let down when the reality was that some of them have morphed. Making Christmas cookies ONE DAY later than planned is not cause for hysteria, but I let it bum me out. It wasn't how we'd always done it! Our family was growing apart! Pretty soon we'd be ordering Chinese food in a tree-less family room!

See what I mean? Aiming for symbolism and tradition minute by minute is exhausting.

The challenge, it seems to me, is to have thoughtful and reflective moments when it feels right, but not to necessitate them. On Sunday night, Chris and I talked about our favorite moments of the past year. Our trip to France came up, as did my first visit out to Wisconsin. It was a nice thing to think about for a few minutes, but then we moved on in conversation. We didn't spend the evening watching a photographic montage of the past year set to music that pulled at our heart strings (my original plan). Lighter was better. More real.

More real.

There is an aspect of reality that echoes the past, I'll concede that. But it's so hard to live in reality when you're longing for something that has long since changed. If there's anything I should do tomorrow, it isn't 28 random things, it's ONE thing: enjoy the day. Even though my age officially changes on Thursday, I've been becoming 29 quietly every day all year. Tomorrow is but one more step along the path.

1 comment:

Mer said...

Happy B-day :)