People, this is what a crazy busy weekend I had. I forgot my blog's FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I just realized it as I was pulling laundry out of the dryer; this very day, my blog turned 5.
I love this blog. I love the way it helps me to connect with people I rarely see (or have ever seen or met!). I love that I can make semesters for myself and use it as a platform to do so. I also really love writing on this blog, real writing that doesn't result in a photo and a quote from the latest Oprah show. Those posts are okay too, but I treasure the fact that I have a medium through which I can explore and advance my feelings and instincts on life stuff.
This morning, for example, I was supposed to run my second 10k ever. I had a couple too many drinks at a birthday party last night and forgot to eat dinner. We came home around 10pm and got ready to pack our things for our super-early trip to New Jersey and I had a mini melt-down. I was not ready! I didn't even have clean running clothes! I hadn't made potato salad for the post-race BBQ and I certainly wasn't thinking about how I would accomplish my first race without a running buddy.
So I lay awake half the night. Pissed at myself and falling somewhere between goading myself into getting up and running the damn thing and forgiving myself for being a human and not being perfect. I bailed this morning at 6am when it was thunderstorming in Brooklyn and I couldn't imagine running it in the rain on top of the 90 degree heat.
I beat myself up about it for half the day. And then I made potato salad and we drove across the GW bridge to New Jersey and we spent an awesome afternoon eating hot dogs among friends. My friend Rich even said he was proud of me for skipping it (and expected that next time I'd better call from jail to cancel on a race or something more scandalous) and that made me laugh.
No one held a grudge against me for not meeting my goal today. I think that's a useful reminder of how I should think about the readers of this blog too. There is so much guilt (ahhh the guilt!) that lives out there when you don't post for a while or if you don't post photos that match your words. What if you write too much about your cats? Or not enough about your job or the city you live in? What ever happened to the online cooking school? A blog is an endless string of beginning storylines that, depending on a blogger's free time, may go nowhere and may go everywhere. It can be a lot of pressure.
At the end of the day, this blog will be one representation of the life I've lived over the past five years. There are others. A history of the books I've checked out of the library is another representation. So are all of my Flickr sets. There's no way to record every move and every aspect of a person's life, try as technology might.
And so we'll let the blog posts fall as they may. Five years in, that's what I'm finally at peace with. Sometimes you'll get thoughtfulness and sometimes you'll get cat pictures and sometimes you'll get posts in which I spout off about the importance of something that's bothering me.
But no matter what, I can promise that you'll always get me.