New Year's Eve.
I bought a blazer last night. I bought a blazer and a pair of jeans and a sweater and a dress that I'm going to wear tomorrow night for Birthday Eve drinks.

I needed to look the part of a 31-year-old.

The day we returned to NYC from Christmas, I stopped by Origins in Grand Central and bought a lipstick called Ruby Slippers. Lipstick had always, always seemed something false that old ladies got stuck on their yellowed teeth. Recently it has seemed like a great idea.

I had been thinking that my last month of being 30 was for digging my nails in. It turns out, I've been subconsciously taking steps towards 31 this whole time.

Now, instead of feeling scared of the vagueness that is 31, I feel empowered to paint it however I wish. At the end of the year, I'll think: 31 was the year I wore blazers with jeans. The year I took a gigantic step in my career and started helping to manage the company I work for. The year I reached out to older and wiser people - not only for advice, but about the ways I was becoming their peer.

For a long time I thought that the best changes were the ones you knew immediately, like a kick in the gut, like a squeeze of the heart. But I am slowly coming around to the notion that the unknown is a space  worth pausing in. I had a phone chat with a fellow Camp Mighty-er today, someone I respect a bunch. "When you're not sure," she said, "stay where you are and open your mind."

I'm still not totally sure about 31. But I'm going to stay where I am, on track for a birthday this weekend. My mind is open. I'm ready to see what this is all going to be about.

1 comment:

Californienne Parisienne said...

I really like "When you're not sure, stay where you are and open your mind." After some recent ex-pat angst, I just recently decided to stay in France for another year for similar reasons and feel more positive than I have in months! Happy birthday! xx