"Things I'm Afraid to Tell You"

Perhaps some of you have seen "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You" posts around the blog-o-sphere. (The first one was published by Jess Constable a few months back...) There have been a few more rounds since then and Leslie has organized a small group of us to follow suit today.

To me, the internet can be a wonderful place of solidarity. Opening up about certain experiences or truths of our lives can connect us in a very deep way, whether or not we see each other regularly in person. So in this spirit, here are a few things I'm afraid to tell you. (Or "Things that I would prefer not to admit to" or "Things that seem indulgent to write about on the internet" or "Things I hope make you feel ok about the things you are afraid to tell me." All working titles.)

  • I feel like the happiness of a (stupidly) large number of people rests on my shoulders.
  • I assume you just read that thought "who does she think she is?!"... just as I often assume that any action I take that makes me feel brave is interpreted by others as me trying to be hot shit.
  • My family has a wonderful time when we're together, but we're not in constant touch. At times this is convenient, but other times it makes me really sad.
  • My dreams are incredibly affected by the social dynamics playing out in my life. If I'm not in a good place with a friend, I dream about it every night until it's resolved. This encourages me to reach out and communicate more, but also means that my subconscious is held hostage until I'm totally honest and communicative in my life. Which is exhausting.
  • I love the result of pedicures but hate getting them. I worry that the nail person hates her job and I have to entertain her throughout the whole thing. Same with eyebrow threading. Same with most service-oriented activities.
  • I love blogging but I hate the feeling that people assume I'm parading my life to become famous or well-known or popular. I think this is why I haven't yet posted the pictures of our wedding... I'd love to share them but I worry that people might judge my decision to share that with the world.
Phew. I think I need a nap. Feel free to leave something in the comments that you're a little bit afraid to talk about. You can even leave it anonymously. We're not judgey here!

And if you're looking for a few more soul confessions on a Tuesday, check out the rest of the gang... (thanks, Leslie, for organizing!):

Jill at Terra Savvy | Erica at The Elbow | Jen at Taking Off the Mask | Kate at Modern Home Modern Baby | Laura at My So Called Sensory Life | Monique at Razing Mayhem | Caroline at Salsa Pie | Leslie at Life In Every Limb | Tammie at Tam.Me | Melanie at Inward Facing Girl | Amy at Old Sweet Song | Michelle at Early Mama | Leslie at Lights and Letters | Sarah at SAWK Photography


Abby said...

Thank you for posting this and sharing these things. I also really enjoyed the links.

Leslie said...

Jen, this made me laugh "I worry that the nail person hates her job and I have to entertain her throughout the whole thing." Totally takes the fun out it, right? You need to find a lady who LOVES doing nails. They are out there. Then you can relax.

And I hear you about the subconcious being aware of how I'm feeling. I actually like letting it work things out in my dreams, sometimes I feel better, but usually I too need to clear the air with people if I think things are weird.

You totally HAVE to share your wedding pictures! Please! It's ok. I saw that one on FB and I was like, it's beautiful, it's incredible, WHY haven't I seen these yet. It's ok to be proud and to share the things that make you happy.

Thanks for sharing with ME today! I need a nap too.

Amy@OldSweetSong said...

Hey there. I've never been over here before. But your first thing is so. totally. me. And it's so stupid. I freak out about service oriented activities as well. But I just feel guilty that they're having to wait on me so I overtip everyone to alleviate some of my upper class guilt. Normal!

Monique said...

I completely understand your 4th bullet. I'm a lot of the same way, but usually I end up not resolving the issue and losing a friend. I'd love to be better at that, but it IS exhausting.
Thank you for sharing this, so glad to be participating with so many brave writers. :)

Jill V / TerraSavvy said...

Jen -

I want to see more pictures!! You definitely need to share more of you. Why? Because I know you and think the world is a better place with you in it!

Everyone should get to see you in that light!


Thanks for doing this with me today!

Caroline said...

I loved your list. And I feel like we all have so much in common, really. We really, really do.

I have not seen my sister in 3 years (and I only have one sister) and my family doesn't actually get together often. Makes me sad. Family is so important!

I also feel like I need to entertain the nail person! It's exhausting for me and not relaxing.

You know what we need to do? We need to plan (or have Leslie plan) some kind of TIATTY conference or something so we can all meet. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Laura Rossi said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE. So glad we all pushed published. I love your list and we do want to see your wedding photos! Laura, My So Called Sensory Life and Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-rossi-totten/things-im-afraid-to-tell-you_b_1553773.html

Leslie said...

I want to see the wedding pictures! And I totally get the first one--if not their happiness, at least their well-being . . . and that's exhausting. So glad that you shared!

Jen said...

Thanks for sharing! Post your wedding photos; I'm sure they're fantastic and will make people smile!


SAWK said...

Solidarity for the first two, my lovely, lovely friend!
You are amazing!

bundcan@hotmail.com said...

I am alone. I am empty. I am tightly wound. I am on display for all to judge. I am ashamed. I am inconsolable. I am a plagiarist......
I am just a worthless liar.I am just an imbecile.I will only complicate you.Trust in me and fall as well.I will find a center in you.I will chew it up and leave,I will work to elevate you,Just enough to bring you down.-Tool. Sober