Peeking out from the clouds.

Lots of people talk about how fast babies and kids grow up. "It goes so fast!" they mourn. "They'll never be this little again!"

And while I think I will feel tinges of this, I also think that these statements are traps. They set you up for the same feeling that you may have had when people told you college would be the best time of your life, that the frat parties and keg-stands and all-nighters, well, it was all downhill from there.

I mean, really?

I have to believe there is a way to remember tiny fingers and toes fondly and yet feel grateful that some of the infantness about my infant is no longer. Noah has recently emerged as the sweetest baby on the planet (like, I kind of expect him to crap rainbows any minute) but he was an angry piece of work during his third month on this planet. There are many theories about why 3 or 4 month old babies act like the devil's spawn; sleep regression seems to be the one that checks boxes around here. And so, should you be in the vicinity of a 3 or 4 month old sometime soon, just hang in there. Rainbow-filled diapers are probably just around the corner.


Though we are not particularly religious, we had Noah baptized this weekend. I had two main reasons for this:

1. I wanted Noah to wear the baptism outfit that my brother wore 25 years ago. See here:

2. I wanted to officially designate some godparents for Noah. Way back when we were pregnant, we asked our friends, the Sarahs, if they would be Noah's fairy godmothers. The Sarahs have been such wonderful friends; they flew up this weekend to meet Noah and serve their godmother duties. UM, SUCH GOOD CHOICES. I might list them on Yelp and write a review in which I give them 5 stars and recommend them to other people who are looking for kind, soft, loving, smart, talented godmothers. See here:

My godparents are aunts and uncles of mine and Chris doesn't have godparents, so our choice did feel like a departure from the history of our families. But here is what I will say about designating non-family members as part of your new family...

Have you heard people say they're afraid that they don't have enough love to love a second kid as much as the first? And yet when the second is born, they realize that their hearts expanded SO MUCH larger than they thought was possible and that they completely love their second just as much?

I think hearts, when used properly, are meant for this kind of expansion. Adding members to the family does not dilute the amount of love to distribute; rather, the heart expands even bigger and the love expands with it. I stood on the sidelines of the church during the sermon and swayed Noah to sleep and when I looked at the people sitting in the front pew of that church, Noah's dad and grandparents and aunt and uncle and godmothers... well, I'll just say that Noah is very lucky and I think that he will have a huge, huge heart filled with a metric ton of love.


And so it goes with friends. On October 13, I had as many friends as I needed! And yet over the past four months, I have grown to need more. I needed mom friends and I am happy to say that I feel like I have a few now. A small group of us have started getting together on Monday afternoons at a local bar. Our babies cry or sleep or lay cooing on the table and we talk about TV shows and vacation spots and what jobs we may or may not be going back to. We compliment the babies on their chubby thighs and head control and laugh about their budding romances. These women are the closest things I have to colleagues at the moment; it's as if we all got selected for a crazy-ass internship with REALLY demanding bosses and we get together once a week to bitch and to bond.

My heart has expanded. I feel like I'm using it well lately... and like Noah's sunny disposition might not only be a result of getting past his growth spurt. I think he might be getting some of it from me.

Finally, finally, I have enough sunshine back in myself to rub off on someone else.


Sarahmia said...

I feel like these blog posts are almost training for when I (hopefully) have a family of my own. I want to fave them all so I have them to read back in the moments where I'm sure I'll feel helpless and like I'm doing everything wrong.

I'm so glad you've found a way to anchor yourself - it's encouraging and joyous all at once :)

EricaRW said...

YA SUNSHINE & RAINBOWS! Happy to hear the sun is once again shining :)

Sarah said...

Yes to not missing the littleness! I have enjoyed HP at (most) every stage, but I am most certainly not sad about him growing up. He gets more fun and interactive every day. I am trying to enjoy him in all his baby-ness, because it is true--it does go by fast--but that's not at all to say I want to go back in time or I miss the days of him crying inconsolably for hours, because I sure as heck don't. I visited a friend and her newborn last weekend and while I loved meeting the little one and there is something special about such a small, helpless, adorable little person, it made me glad, not sad, that HP was past that stage. I take that to be a good sign. As you said, how sad to think that the best is behind us?