1.03.2014

To thine own self be true.

We visited Florida for a work trip in November and I spent the first three days caring for Noah so Chris could work. By the third afternoon, I was low. I had lost some of my confidence about the conference I was attending later in the week. I started to doubt myself, my work, my hotel choices, the clothes I'd packed. It got bad enough that I wondered how far I had really come from the dark days earlier in the year.

I don't remember what prompted it, but Chris and I were casually talking about introverts and extroverts that afternoon (a subject that has become pretty common in our lives). The definition we most often use is that introverts get energy by being alone and extroverts get energy by spending time with people. I am most definitely an extrovert and Chris is an introvert.

So we're talking about this and all of a sudden it hit me. I wasn't depressed! I was just an extrovert nearing empty in my energy tank! I had spent three days mostly alone with Noah (who doesn't quite count as extrovert fuel even though he is a small person) and I needed a boost. Luckily there was a conference happy hour the next night that did the job and pumped me up.

The older I get, the more I realize that all of the advice out there, the articles retweeted and reposted on Facebook, well barely any of it applies to me. To know yourself is to look inwardly, not externally. I'm almost 33 years old and I'm finally figuring out how this clock ticks.

It's really hard to know yourself. I spent my 20s in a whirlwind of wondering what career to have, what graduate degree to pursue, what neighborhood I should live in, how I should answer questions on an online dating profile. There was no way to shortcut all of that. I had to go through it and sometimes I felt very lost even though the map to who I am was closer than I realized.

Keeping the faith isn't only about God or god or religion. Keeping the faith is honoring yourself, the nature that's beneath the nurture. Deep down you know which way you should be going.

Sometimes you're not on the wrong path. Sometimes you just haven't gone far enough yet.

I just wanted to tell you that today.

4 comments:

Abby said...

Thanks for writing this today. It felt especially right for me to hear, so much so that I am now crying relieved tears. My favorite part: "Sometimes you're not on the wrong path. Sometimes you just haven't gone far enough yet."

linda said...

Great post! It definitely take a long time to figure oneself out...and we keep changing too!

EricaRW said...

Rob and I talk in excess about personality types and extro vs. intro. I'm hyper aware of his need to recharge after social outings but I never considered my own need to recharge through being social. You are so wise xo

Steve said...

Big thanks for this post from frosty NY.