Day 21

Someone once told me that it takes 21 days to develop a habit or routine. No one has told that yet to Aaron, whose nights are either baller like 2 nights ago (slept in 2 hour increments in the bassinet!) or like last night (40 min increments only in someone's arms). It was a rough night.


I do think we are finding a routine despite the kind of night we end up with. I try to make it as long as possible during the night before transferring Aaron to Chris, who brings him in the living room. Some nights that lets Chris sleep for 5 hours before child care duties call! And then the second half of the night is about me sleeping, waking up when Chris brings me the baby to nurse and then I give him right back. This has worked for the last week or so.

I dread evenings because it means the night is coming but I keep trying to remember that this is only a stage and we just have to tread water through it. 

The hiatus from most social media has felt so good! In this fragile and quiet time I really want to be careful about what I have bouncing around my brain at 2am and, frankly, reading the NYTimes for the shitshow that is Donald Trump and the Republican party is enough crazy to entertain a person these days!

We've had some visitors which was helpful and I'm very grateful but now we have a few quiet weeks that I'm looking forward to as well. Nesting with this new little family and learning how we all need each other feels like exactly what I want and need.

This is more of a journal entry than a piece of writing, but I have a tiny person nursing on me and my brain is foggy and I mostly just want this all recorded, that things were bad and sometimes they got better and sometimes worse but overall we kept breathing and loving each other through it. 

Side note: we will celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary next month and boy do I love the marriage I'm in. I want no one else beside me figuring out how to parent two boys.


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