I spend most the day laying in bed. It's kind of like a charging station. I'll never get close to 100% but I'm close to 22 or 23% for a few minutes. Then I can send a text or drink some water or eat something. 

I mentally write thank you notes. I hear noises from the other room of Chris cleaning. Sometimes I hear my phone but lately I have to ignore it because I can't imagine picking it up .Today the doctors office called and gave me details for lots of appointments this week. It made me scared. I feel like I am descending into the scariest part and I do believe I'll come out the other side but I know this is a big deal. 

When the only thing I can do is lay here I wonder what I can learn, maybe what it's like to let go of what's on my plate, maybe how to feel really still and quiet. Im not Normally good at that.

No comments: