Surgery scheduled

My sister picked the boys up at daycare yesterday while we were at the neurosurgeon and she transcribed Noah's note to us. Made us laugh. No I did not get shots! 

We audio taped the convo with Dr. McDermott so we could review it after (half that convo is a foreign language). When you are the person whose brain is being discussed, you fade out when they talk about bone. And skin. And peeling your damn face off. So let's not discuss that, shall we?

He said my tumor is pretty. He said my gray matter is so squished on the other side because of this tumor, which is a bit in the bone. So Chris thinks I'm going to be a super-genius when they get it outta there - so much luxurious spacing! 

I'll go in late next week for embolization, which is when they put something in an artery in my groin that feeds a coil up to my brain. I'll likely be in the hospital overnight and then they'll leave it in me til the surgery on Monday the 25th. This means that they'll be depriving the tumor of blood so the surgery is better and easier and I don't lose as much blood.

Then I'll have the surgery on Monday and they said it might be 6 hours. My mom and Chris will be there. The docs are going to shave my head (or at least the front). I'm not sure what to say about that. I'm embarrassed because I have always had a couple little bumps (skin tags?) on my head but Chris has already bought me 2 hats. So this is a new area for me to get comfortable with. 

I told the doctor and his PA that I have a lot of work to do so let's keep me alive. They were both really supportive and kind and UCSF was beautiful and the ideal environment. They gave me sleeping pills so I FINALLY slept last night a little. It made me feel so happy to wake up this morning and hug the boys and feel a tiny bit normal. 

The outpouring on Facebook and here, the origami cranes arriving every day, it's all so much. We are clearly learning how to accept help, which is not what we're good at. Bear with us. We'll feel embarrassed and shy but we are so appreciative. 

I asked Dr. McDermott if we could do a selfie and he said yes. So here is the kindest Canadian ever:

We talked about going to see clients in Toronto together and doing lunch & learns. Also I had a call this week with a funny woman who has had a brain tumor herself and I pitched a conference where only people with brain tumors can be speakers. I KNOW, I KNOW. I'm not organizing shit right now. But this is who I am, looking for places to make differences, pushing for helpers and being kind. Every kindness matters and it makes me feel so authentic and real to appreciate others. 

So I don't know what it is yet but I anticipate a Really Big Dream showing up after all this is done. Time to change the world. I'm not ready yet but I will be one day soon.

Xox Thank you, humans. You matter.

1 comment:

akamé said...

Blogger ate my earlier comment... Je ne vais écrire qu'en français pour être sûr que cette tumeur ne ruine pas toutes tes études. :)
Je suis content de voir que tu restes aussi dynamique et positive que lorsqu'on échange sur Hangout. Je croise les doigts pour l'opération et toute l'équipe d'AQ Paris et Tokyo penses à toi. -Paul