5.10.2016

Night

Turned off the light about 10, woke at 3 from a terrible dream. They were wheeling me into the OR but no one talked to me, they looked at me like I was a specimen. They put tweezers in the bridge of my nose to tune me to a Nashville station and it hurt a lot. I saw that they were new doctors and I was really scared that they hadn't done the procedure before. They were hurting me. 

I woke up scared and anxious. I woke Chris up after a while and he rubbed my back but I let him fall back asleep because one of us needs to be rested for the kids. I lay awake til a little after 5, just scared and anxious. I heard my in-laws get Aaron up when he squawked and came to the living room around 5:30. I cried with them and told them I was scared and they comforted me. Then I ate some cereal and hugged Aaron and saw Noah get up at 6. I headed back to bed at 6:30.

Then I had another terrible dream. Chris and I were both having brain surgery and they put the oxygen on me to get me to go under but I wasn't going. I asked every doctor who came in the room CANYOUHELPMEGETTOSLEEP and they said they might need to do surgery while I'm awake and I was so scared. They started on Chris since he had gone under and I saw bags of blood. 

Then I woke up and realized I had been dreaming and that now it was almost 9 and that the day was here and I'm safe and the surgery is over and that I'm ok.

The meds I was on are still in my system but hopefully gone soon so I can sleep again. This PTSD shit is intense.

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